Hello horny folks over 50!

Well, spring has finally sprung, and for many it's been a long time coming. Even here on the Space Coast of Florida, it was an unseasonably cold winter. But no matter the weather, I’m here to warm you up and single-handedly make you smile, or maybe I'll use two hands. Let's get started.

In this newsletter, the focus will be on naughty audio, and in the Sex and Sensibility section, I’ll relate an acoustic conundrum with which you may be familiar, but likely didn't have to suffer the embarrassing consequences. Oh well, it got my 80-year old neighbor, Barry, harder than a redneck at a family reunion.

In the For Your Eyes First section - something steamy for your listening pleasure: links to audio excerpts from Erotica for the Refined Palate, which is now live wherever audiobooks are sold. And yes, it'll be my voice you’re hearin'.

And finally, in the Not Tonight Fellas, I’m Just Here to Get Drunk section, I share my take on the ubiquitous Old Fashioned.

Please read and listen on!

It was another grand St. Patrick's Day in Melbourne, Florida this year, and as is my custom when wearin' the green, I drank too much. Having Ubered home safely, but not ready to throw in the towel, I decided to continue the 'celebration' in the guest room.

And on a whim, I recorded it.

I awoke the next morning in a stupor, and having forgotten which bed I was in, I toppled out of it. As I struggled to pour myself a cup of coffee, I remembered my DIY the night before, and I wanted to relive it. I found the file on my phone and pressed Play, but there was no sound. I cranked the volume up - nothing. I paused the recording and restarted it - nope. I navigated to Settings and maxed out every sound category - zip, zero, nada. I sat there thinking, 'What the hell am I doing wrong?' Then off in the distance, I heard a faint moaning. I walked around the house in search of the source, but it wasn't until I opened the sliders to the patio that I found it. The audio of me hitting that high note as I tapped into my own potential was blasting 360 degrees from my Bluetooth speaker next to the pool, where I sometimes sunbathe while listening to music.

I hurried outside to retrieve the speaker, and as I bent to pick it up, I became aware of two fungus-riddled feet in flip flops just two feet away. Barry had fought his way though the shrubbery between our properties.

"Good morning, Bridget," he said.

And as I rose to meet his watery old eyes, my gaze traveled over his tented trousers.

"Good morning, Barry," I said, blushing.

"Sunbathing today?" he asked, with a wink, alerting me to the fact that he had previously watched me do just that.

"No not today," I answered, shaking my head. "So when are you and Donna heading back to Pennsylvania?"

And so the small talk continued, and as it did, I relaxed. So what if I stunned Ol' Barry back into sinus rhythm? He was harmless, and imagining him, animated and teaming with embellishment, as he related the experience to his geriatric comrades, reminded me that it's all about the story, and this one was definitely worth telling.

I rode my bike past his house last week and the windows were dressed in hurricane shutters - the snowbirds had migrated north for the summer. Will they return? Well, if Barry has anything to say about it, my guess is yes.

As previously mentioned, I have narrated my compilation of four naughty novellas, Erotica for the Refined Palate, and it's now available in audiobook format: Spotify, Audible, Google Play, etc.

Part of the process dictates that a retail sample be provided so prospective buyers can get a little listen before purchasing. Unfortunately, the samples are limited to about 5 minutes of content, and more importantly, no profanity or sexually explicit material is allowed. I found a good clip, but it doesn't really showcase my wanton imagination in all its glory.

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Heddy Lamarr  (that's HEDLEY!)

But I digress.

Point is, I wanted you to hear something more representative of the work, and so I created additional clips too carnal for the unsuspecting consumer. I have included them here for your consideration along with the source novella, so you can put what you are listening to in context. I also included the retail sample that is featured with the audiobook online. Let me know what you think!

Retail sample from Just a Swingin': 

Me and You and a Wife Named Sue

When Candy Blue, a randy romantic fiction writer, forms an inappropriate bond with a married man, he involves his wife, Sue, who invites Candy to dinner with the intention of exacting satisfaction, and in the most creative and unexpected ways.

Naughty sample 1:

The Hat Trick

When Ryan Axel meets his girlfriend's parents at a hockey game in Tampa, he’s shocked to discover her mother, Maxine, is the woman he knows as Roxanne, a sexy mature who used to frequent his bar, and he’s determined to pick up where they left off - and during the game.

Naughty sample 2:

Great White Limo

Covid restrictions have lifted and Shannon finally gets a face-to-face with Steve Martin, a Canadian she befriended in a cheater’s chat room during the pandemic, but their indiscretion takes an unexpected turn when her domineering best friend and a young limo driver get involved.

Naughty sample 3:

Just a Swingin'

Married, but not to each other, Country Club neighbors Krystal and Blake steal away to Cancun to masquerade as husband and wife at a swinger’s resort, with the intention of living out their disparate fantasies, and without complicating their long-term friendship.

Naughty sample 4:

Have you noticed the Old Fashioned has made a dramatic comeback? Classic or smoked, and traditionally featured with bourbon, the variations today seem endless. I typically drink gin - Pant Remover as it's known in Canada (it also removes paint), but decided to see what all the fuss was about. I didn't like it, until I switched up the bourbon - a United States whiskey - for rye; Crown Royal to be specific. Crown Royal is a blended rye whiskey produced in Canada, originally in 1939 when The Queen Mother and King George VI visited Canada for the first time. In other words, Crown Royal was blended for the royals.

If you like Old Fashioneds, but haven't tried one with Crown Royal, I urge you to do so. You will find it far smoother than one made with the very best of bourbons. Here's my Canadian version which serves one person:

Canadian Old Fashioned

In a shaker with ice, add

• 2 oz Crown Royal
• 1/2 teaspoon Canadian maple syrup
• 2 - 4 shakes of Angostura orange bitters

Shake, then strain over a large block of ice in a whiskey rocker. Wipe rim of the glass with a strip of orange peel and add to the rocker. Add a cocktail cherry. Add a thick slice of fried bacon (optional but a show stopper).

If you don't want to make it yourself, you can order a Crown Royal Old Fashioned at any decent bar, but you'll get a sugar cube instead of maple syrup, and doubtful you'll get a strip of bacon with it.

Let me know if you try it and what you think.

Well, that’s it for the Spring 2025 newsletter. Next time I hope to include some audio from my latest story, 'Golf Match.' The related picture in the heading of this installment is just a teaser - it's not quite right for the book cover. I was thinking maybe the backside of our hero (a mature lady golfer) straddling a man in a golf cart. I mentioned it to my designer in Poland. He couldn't find anything close enough to work with, but said he'd "A.I. something." HAH!

Anyhoo, email me with just about anything at bridget@bridgetdoone.com. And no matter the weather, stay hot.

MWAH!

Bridget